A Summary of Summer Season 2011.

New Inn
Winners for the umpteenth time and congrats to them. Losing only one match all season and drawing seven, they clinched the title by a hefty eight points. That said, one felt that this margin was perhaps flattering (not of course detracting from the New Inn’s quality of play and thoughtful strategy in matches) and that perhaps the following pack were not that far behind in the quality of their own play. Whilst the rest of the division were knocking lumps off each other, the New Inn team quietly went about their business and frankly stuffed the lot of us!

Brecon
Runners-up Brecon, title winners in 2010, suffered three losses (all away from home) and, surprisingly, eight draws – four at home and four away. With virtually the same players as in their winning season, Brecon appeared to have lost their consistency (temporarily we all hope – ahem!) and perhaps some internal inconveniences caused our Celtic friends to take their eye of the ball. But does this mean the demise of Brecon??? HELL NO! They’ll be back next year – never fear.

Strand & Deliver.
Third place Strand ended up with the same number of points as Brecon but with an inferior goal difference – oh so near to glory. After an indifferent start, the sons of Err-dizzly improved to such effect as saw them bounding up the table with all the grace and élan of haemorrhoidially mad rhinoceros’s. Had they started their season a little better - who knows? Special mention to young Douglas who has improved immeasurably this season. Could he have been the catalyst for Strand’s improvement? Next year cannot come soon enough.

Seven Stars
The perennial yo-yo team of the Marches. But lo, the surprise team of the year. After a glorious first half of the season, they found themselves at the top of the league and deservedly so as they were (I think we can all agree) captained by one of the finest captains to ever captain a team. Then disaster! Thrashed by bottom team Nags Head and then losing key player Graham to a gammy leg, the Stars season fell apart somewhat. The call went out..... “Sack the b****y captain - he’s rubbish!”

Sundowners
On paper, a team that should have performed far better than they did. The Draw specialists (nine) of the Div. Alas, games are played on piste’s and not on paper and it’s puzzling to observers that they could only finish fifth. Difficult to pin-point why they didn’t live up to expectations for they do have quality players. Confidence, commitment, attitude, strategies.... One can only guess if any or all of these things were perhaps lacking somewhat. I’d like to end this appraisal with something a trifle offensive and a little amusing. I know! ..... Carol!

Angel Inn
Alors! Je suis toujours heureux whenever we play against Les Anges. A team that has played with jouir de vie and no little skill this year. In previous seasons, along with the Stars, they have had to endure season’s long dog-fights to avoid relegation. But not this year! Although not setting the Marches on fire, they were steady and consistent when playing against bottom half teams and thus had no worries about the big drop for a change. Vive les Grosmonts as we say in Old Clehonger.

Leisure Cruisers
A terrific start to the season from our Leisure Lovelies was key to their survival in the Premiership and just as well, for they only secured one measly win from their last 13 matches. But they have unearthed a raw and talented treasure in the form of William and as is the case, one player can make an enormous difference to a team. Alan’s amiable army will march on next year and no doubt will storm the div to everyone’s surprise. And now – I think I’ll have a lie down!

Bells Almeley
Promoted this year by dint of fact that new teams entered the league, they were everyone’s favourites to make a speedy return to the Conference. An indifferent start saw them wallowing in the nether regions of the Div. But to their credit, they doggedly hung on and with five wins (all at home) and five draws, our ding-dong chums gained the magic target of 20 points and thus secured safety thereon. They do have able players but maybe lack a little confidence in themselves. The high point of their season was the win against mighty Brecon. As my old granny once said, “If you can win one point, you can win a hundred” She was later sectioned!

Tram Wheels
 Our Eardisley favourites escaped relegation by the skin of their falsies. Unbeaten in their first two matches they entered the pit of despair and were well duffed up in the ensuing five ties. A brief respite during mid-season lifted them a little but then they plummeted to another five consecutive defeats. The dark heavy clouds of desolation and despondency hovered. (My psychiatrist once asked me if I suffered from depression? No said I, though I do try to make others depressed). But every cloud has a silver whatsit and with one (or two) leaping bounds, Wheels secured two late wins and thus avoided enduring the misery and torment that is Division Two.

Aberhonddu
Easily winning Div Two last season, ‘Sons of Brecon’ found themselves amongst the elite and they soon knew it. After a moderate start, they quickly found out what life is really like in the premiership. Alas, they never recovered from the loss of their inspirational and much loved captain half-way through the season and thus Austin - the Father of Brecon Boules - had to fight to save the Celtic Colts but, sadly, to no avail. It’s a return to the wilderness of Div Two, a chance to take stock and regroup, but a speedy return to the bright lights of Div One is predicted.

Nags Head ‘A’
For most of the 2010 season, Bill’s Boys were battling for the Div One title. For ALL of the 2011 season, they were battling to keep their Div One status. Unfortunately they failed. But, they had their moments with wins against the then league leaders Stars and the much fancied Strand. Also a creditable draw with champs New Inn. One could see that there was no shortage of skill when playing at home, but those skills deserted them at away matches. And so it’s the big drop for our Peterchurch Pals. Serves ‘em right said ‘Embittered of Clehonger’.

Nomads
Winning 17 and drawing 2 of their 20 matches with a massive average point’s score of 71.25, Tilly Tigers took the Conference by storm and so are promoted. There is no doubting Nomads expertise and talent but did the 45 degree Tillington piste dumbfound the largely inexperienced and innocent Div Two teams? Probably! And so it’s back to La Liga for Eric and Stella et al and you can bet that Div One players will be sorting out ropes and crampons in readiness for matches on the North-Face.

New Inn Golds
Winning ten matches and drawing five ensured Golds Golds Golds won promotion with five points to spare. The team is made up of relatively young people which bodes well for the future of Marches Petanque. Vanessa’s Vagabonds could well be a force in the top div but observers note that at this stage they lack a sense of strategy (and so did I at their age – still do some say) and occasionally play the ‘wrong’ ball at the wrong time. But with experience will come ...er experience and then rest of us may well start looking over our shoulders in some fear and trepidation!

New Inn Too
Using seventeen different players throughout the season, the N.I.T.’s never really had that much chance to develop as a team. A nucleus of four or perhaps five relatively experienced players, playing regularly, is a must if any success is to be had. Saying that, the N.I.T.’s gave a good account of themselves and provided club mates Golds with some anxious moments during the season. On a positive note, it’s encouraging that so many ‘new players’ are taking an interest and if they’re playing for fun and are not too ambitious, then so be it and good luck to them.

Tram Sleepers
I would have put my shirt (if I had one) on Don and Avril’s Sleepers to gain promotion. Winning only one of the first seven matches, they were struggling from then on. They then went on a seven match unbeaten run but too many draws, eight in all, was their undoing. They do in fact have a number of good and experienced players in the team but perhaps a loss of form, bad luck, indecision ...... whatever, was their downfall.

Yew Tree
A team that has been around forever and have never played in the top tier were mightily thrashed in their first five matches. But hark! From then on they got their act together and won or drew most of their meetings. Indeed they lost only one of their last nine matches.
If they can carry this form over to next season, who knows? Premiership? It would be like Accrington Stanley winning the Champions League. Highlight of their season – a second piece of gravel was found on the middle lane.

Tram Tracks
Some of us elderly people can remember Tram Tracks winning the Premiership in 2004. Alas now, it’s only a distant memory, for they are not the team they were. Wallowing in the middle (like a certain degenerated Seven Stars player’s midriff) of the second div seemingly for an eternity, can any of the Tracks players recall those heady days? Again, too many draws held them back and had they been able to convert just two or three of these draws into wins.........???

Bridge Inn
After a moderate start in which Ron’s team won three and drew two of their first six matches, our Kentchurch Chums imploded somewhat and got well stuffed in the following four bouts. In the early days of the league, the Bridge were something of a force in the Marches but the ensuing years has seen them struggling in the nether regions of the div(s) year after year. It’s an ‘interesting’ piste they have, which most teams experience some difficulty coming to terms with. Could this result in Bridge’s teams having the same difficulties when playing on very different away teams tracks? Having said that, this is no criticism of the Bridge piste – A piste is a piste!

Madley Lions
New team, new piste and, for most of their players, – new to the sport. For all that, they performed very well winning a total of seven matches and drawing three. Their main failing other than experience (expected) was a lack of discipline throughout the team. ‘Piste Etiquette’ passed them by and ‘losing’ borrowed boules did not endear them to a certain party. ‘Nuff said!

Black Swans
Throughout the season, the Letton Luckless fielded an astonishing total of twenty-eight different players! Thus, winning only two of their twenty matches was no surprise. Failure on three occasions to submit result sheets and a forfeited match did not help matters either. One can only surmise that a lack of any leadership was their downfall which is strange for they had two or three experienced players on their books. Hopefully, next season, they may decide to get their act together.

Nags Head ‘B’
Again, new players and a new team. Mr Chairman ‘guested’ on several occasions but not enough times to save them from the ignominy of finishing bottom of the heap. Well, what to do. Firstly, practice, then acquire a coach, practice, enter as many events as possible, practice, optimise the team to find who gels with whom, practice and practice. And in the fullness of time, Honour and Glory will surely be theirs.

Conclusions
The big two, Brecon and New Inn, continue to dominate but the gap is definitely closing with Strand, Sundowners etc. hot on their heels. Promoted ‘Golds’ could also be a threat as proved in their recent Beeline match against a nervous but ultimately fortunate Brecon.
And we should not dismiss Nomads for they too will undoubtedly make their explosive impact in the first division next year.

At the pre-season Committee Meeting, Mr Chairman spoke about ‘bringing the fun and friendliness back into the sport’. This obviously has had some effect for it seems that we have had a virtually trouble free season with just one or two minor grumbles about opponents behaviour/manners – but nothing serious.

So let’s keep it all friendly or else, trouble-makers will be taken from this place, to another place where the little dicky birds cannot s**t upon them!